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Whammy Redux

April 20, 2012

I’m anxiously waiting for Apple to release a redesigned Macbook Pro, so I was just perusing the appleinsider forums last week and like ALL online forums and comment threads, they fall apart and veer wildly off-topic because some little shithead INSISTS on personally attacking another commenter because he was offended by the person’s opinion on some stupid product.

The threads all culminate into something like, “The 15″ iMac doesn’t have enough processing power for you? How would you know? You wouldn’t know processing power if it smacked you in the face!”

The personal attacks bring the topic at hand to a grinding halt and it all goes downhill from there. It’s maddening.

Coincidentally, just days later I received this trite little comment on my post about AlesSmith IPA, from someone with a google alert set to email him every time someone mentions his beloved beer online, so he’s likely affiliated with AleSmith in some way.

Here’s the comment:

    The fact that you are drinking it out of a plastic cup and you gave no descriptors is telling us that you don’t know beer. Therefore I hold no value to your review. I love AleSmith IPA along with everyone I know. We appreciate the perfect balance of malt with citrusy hops. AleSmith is highly rated not just for their high quality, great tasting beers but also for their remarkable customer service. I challenge anyone in doubt to try their beer yourself. Cheers.

    by Beerlover April 11, 2012 at 10:38 am

He gets right into it:
“you don’t know beer”.
Listen dink. I’ve been drinking beer since you were suckling your mother’s teat. I’ve been drinking CRAFT beer since you were learning to ride a two wheeler.
Why am I assuming he’s a young male? Because a mature adult wouldn’t go right for the throat. He’d have more tact than that. A female wouldn’t be confrontational. In fact, she just wouldn’t bother.

His other point:
“the fact that you gave no descriptors…”
Sure, I should’ve mentioned WHY I didn’t think it was worth the price– it was mainly because It had no hop aroma. Nothing. And I realize that freshness really plays a part in a beer’s hop aroma, but that’s not the case here because the ‘bottle on’ date was written on the case. It’s possible, but unlikely, that it was an old case and the date was forged, but old beers usually incur a distinct aftertaste.
Other reviews rave about the beer. “The aroma hits you with very distinct, resiny, bitter, somewhat piney hops with smells of citrus..” I got none of that. Thusly, I was whammed.

I’ve also mentioned many times, and many beer geek friends agree; we don’t read those reviews. For chrissake, there’s 963 reviews on BeerAdvocate for Alesmith IPA alone! (All positive, btw). Who cares if the beer looks like “an orange sunset”? (an actual beeradvocate.com quote) and has a 1/2″ head?
I was expecting a Sculpin or a Green Flash West Coast IPA and I got a Sierra Nevade Pale Ale.

His best point:
“The fact that you are drinking out of a plastic cup…”
Listen asshat: It doesn’t matter if I was drinking it out of an old sneaker; the hops should still shine through. Besides, I usually drink out of a golden goblet, but after paying 80 friction bucks for this case I’m too broke to afford anything else! (I’ve actually got quite a large collection of beer glasses)

Last lame point:
“…their remarkable customer service.”
This comment warrants three question marks, ??? and a WTF?
Its also further proof that you’re a lackey for the brewery. That, or a snot-nosed little kid.

I read a lot, really, a LOT of reviews. Music. Restaurants. And beer. And you know what? Besides restaurant reviewers, most are fluff, and most reviewers are afraid to say anything that might offend. As a consumer, is that what you want? I sure as hell don’t. The most insulting thing I said was that it is “barely on par with Hop Devil“. Hop Devil’s a fine beer… and it’s also fifty-five dollars cheaper!

Questions?

Hey thinman, don’t you want to encourage comments on this here website, even those that don’t agree with you?

Absolutely. Just keep them on topic goddammit!

Cmon, aren’t you just stooping to his level by hurling personal insults?

Why yes, yes I am.

Just admit you’re a hack. Obviously your daily habits of chewing tobacco and drinking strong coffee have rendered your tastebuds utterly useless.

True, but I still have a great sniffer. I should be able to smell at least a hint of hops when I open a nice IPA.

One last thing, thinman. What the hell does “whammy” mean anyway?

My long lost friend Trevor Walters made that up. In the old days, we music geeks had to buy albums in record stores, and most of the time we paid $10 per album (while working for $3.15 per hour!) without EVER HEARING A SINGLE TRACK. We had to buy almost blindly, usually based solely on the album cover. If you got home, dropped the needle and the thing just stunk up the speakers, then you got whammied.
Trevor and I got whammied many, many times. Sometimes we’d frisbee the thing into a tree, but usually we’d let it collect dust in our collection, hoping our tastes would magically change as we aged, and the stinkers would somehow get better.
And no, we did not have USED record stores back then.

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2 comments

  1. My office-mate added his two cents. LOL:

    You should lean more towards a raw, emotional, visceral reaction to his asshattery.

    I think you could easily and succinctly accomplish as much by saying simply:

    “their remarkable customer service”….are you kidding me, you ass-sniffer? You expect anyone that reads this post to think you are anything other than an employee of ShittyBeer company? I hereby scrape you off the bottom of my shoe, Mr. I-just-got-a-Tweet-that-ShittyBeer-was-found-to-be-commented-on-in-cyberspace. Homo.


  2. No doubt about the “plastic cup” comment. If AleSmith is WEAK enough to be affected by merely pouring it into a plastic cup that the cup itself would render it sub-par, then that beer is pure crap!
    People who don’t live in their parents basement usually aren’t so confrontational.



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