70June 22, 2010
I can’t believe my Dad turns 70 this week. I honored the old man two years ago for Father’s Day so I won’t get sappy this time -I’ll just share a humorous tidbit about his lifetime perspective on music and how far it clashes with my musical taste.
-He graduated from high school in 1958, at the height of doo-wop and Elvis, but the rock n roll phenomenon completely missed him. As a matter of fact, popular music in general never really caught on with the man.
-He uses the word “funky” all the time, but he doesn’t have a clue that it also describes a form of music. I think he’s also used the term “grunge” before, but again, not to describe a musical genre.
-He’s an avid reader so I’m sure he must’ve run across the word “Beatles” or “Rolling Stones” at one point in his life, but I would completely faint if I EVER heard him actually refer to one of those bands in a sentence.
-He’s a good singer but ONLY sings church hymns, except for the occasional barbershop quartet standard. He was actually in a barbershop quartet at one time.
-He’s a great dancer. As far as I know, his side of my family is 100% WASP but for some reason we’ve got rhythm. Not “white dude can pump fist in the air to the beat” rhythm, but natural, actual dance moves and grooves.
– I learned at a very early age to never EVER play my music in his presence. As I grew older I got balsier and would turn on the radio in the car. Even with the mildest house tune or pop song at the lowest volume possible he would pretend not to notice, but after a while I could see the veins in his neck start to protrude. After 10 or so minutes of suffering he would yell for a good 2 straight minutes, I shit you not, something to this effect:
“JESUS CHRIST MATTHEW WILL YOU TURN THAT SHIT OFF?! NOTHING BUT BOOM BOOM BOOM JIGGA JIGGA BOOM BOOM. CHRIST! IT’S AGGRAVATING ME ENOUGH TO MAKE MY HEMORROIDS EXPLODE! HOW FOR CHRIST SAKES CAN ANYONE STAND THAT SHIT? I SOUNDS LIKE A COUPLE OF MONKEYS JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON A DRUM SET!!” MAKES ME WANT DRIVE THIS CAR STRAIGHT INTO A TREE!!
Happy birthday Dad.
We’re scary alike in so many ways, but when it comes to music, the apple rolled far, far from the tree!