Philly airportJune 19, 2008
I don’t read Phillyist as much as I used to (too many inside jokes but not as bad as Philebrity but close). But a recent read made me laugh out loud. Take a gander at this post about an experience at our beloved airport. Here’s an excerpt (bold mine):
And, finally, there was the baggage claim. Why, why, why must there always be a problem with the baggage? Here is the drill as I understand it: plane lands, people get off, handlers grab bags, handlers drive in funny car with baggage and put it on to conveyor belt, which sends bags out to disgruntled travelers. I’m sure it is more complicated than that. There probably has to be a useless union representative there to watch as each bag is lifted. There has to be one arm available for each worker to pick his own ass while performing the actual job. And that doesn’t even take into account the time that goes into rechecking the bag to make sure that any valuable items stored within are stolen in the name of national security.
Still, overall it seems like an easy process. But not here. Here, I get to sit for 90 minutes waiting for luggage that is just sitting on a tarmac after an otherwise flawless flight. Here, I get to see my relations with my wife go from “I can’t wait to see you, Honey” to “When the fuck is your luggage coming in so I can go home and get some sleep?” Here, I get to watch three workers sitting around, joking and staring at every female ass in a 200-yard radius while their bag-handling co-workers play “Watch the Lakers-Celtics Game While the Customer Stews.” Here, I get to tell my wife to drive around to arrivals because the voice on the loud speaker said that the bags will be up in five minutes, only to see her whisked away multiple times by Rent-A-Popo when the process takes seven minutes. And by the way, thanks to the nincompoops at the World’s Worst Airport, you can bet that this brother didn’t get no kinda love upon his return to the city of.
Bottom line is I am tired of having to apologize for this airport any time a friend has to come remotely near it. I’m tired of pilots coming on the loud speaker saying, and I shit you not, “It looks like we will be getting you home on time, but with Philadelphia, you never really know.”
Hilarious. Dude can speak for all of us. I’ll put money on it that EVERY person who read this piece can relate. Hell, every person who’s had to fly through Philly just ONCE can relate.
And while we’re on the topic, I’ve always wanted to know why, WHY it is so unsafe to park at the curb? I realize we’re afraid of car bombs, but my God, is a suicide bomber really gonna take the time to blow up a car which might take out one Hertz bus and a couple smokers? Is the mile-long line of cars waiting on the shoulder of I-95 really a safer alternative? It just looks so ghetto!
Oh well. It’s all going to be moot anyway since the news is looking grim for the airlines. Seems like it won’t be too long till air travel will be out of reach for us middle class travelers.